Cow’s Life - Thinking Outside Of The Barn

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another…
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm

There are reasons why the dogs and all sorts of other animals should be naked.
Here is why:

“My owner is an idiot. I don’t even have boobs!”

“God Help Me!!!”

“I am hot and I can’t breath!!! ”

“My idiot owner makes me look like a dork too ”

Thanks to Kimmi for the pictures.

It looks like the struggling Tommy Hilfiger has to put itself up for sale and Wal-Mart is the biggest bidder among all. Now talking about bad merge and odd couple, this pair certain makes to the top of that list if the deal goes through. My 2 cents are that if Hilfiger wants to keep its not-so-hot brand image as it is if not any worse, STAY AWAY FROM WAL-MART!

Frankly speaking, I don’t like Wal-Mart. It’s noisy, dirty, crowded and … crowded. It kills local retail businesses and drives out little unique stores from the neighborhood. I used to shop there but I don’t go there anymore. It’s not worth the time to drive 20 minutes one way while the much cleaner Target is within walking distance.

Some people ask me, “How do you survive without Wal-Mart??!!” To a lot of folks (my own folks included), I am like this alien from Mars with two horns because I don’t shop in Wal-Mart. Hey! There are a lot of alternatives. Target, grocery stores, small family retail stores, etc… There is definitely a world outside of Wal-Mart.

Hilfiger has already started selling products on walmart.com. I personally think Hilfiger makes pretty good clothe such as man shirts. I always buy a few for my family members now and then. If the brand gets absorbed into Wal-Mart, I don’t know if I would trust the quality anymore. I think Wal-Mart would first ditch its design studio so a pair of Jeans could be sold at a Wal-Mart price like $19.99. This is just all wrong!

The long snapper. Probably one of the most underappreciated position on any NFL team. Guys make a career of it and teams are more than happy to have this specialist on their team.

But why? All they do is hike the ball!

Ahh yes, this common misconception. However, being bent over backwards, throwing an oddly shaped ball between your legs 10 yards back and hitting a target less than a square yard is a lot harder then it sounds. Sure, if you practice hard enough at it, you probably can become a tight end who also can do this somewhat consistently. But not all the time.

Football is the ultimate team sport. For one play to work, everyone has to be in sync and have perfect timing on the play. Many fans just see a running back going through the middle for a 4 yard gain, but what they may miss is the offensive lineman adjusting to a blitz, a tight end pulling double duty with a left guard, the fullback covering an incoming cornerback and a wide receiver running a route just to give the safety the illusion a pass may be coming his way.

And this is only for a run.

For a field goal kick, the concept of teamwork goes into over drive. From the time of the snap to the time of the kick, to get the play off you only have three seconds, often less. What needs to happen is
1) The long snapper has to hike the ball behind him 10 yards and have it land in the hands of the holder who is kneeling at the spot of the kick. That means you have less than a square yard window to hit. Anywhere outside this and there is a good chance the kick will fail.
2) After the ball is hiked, the long snapper has to immediately block the opposing line. He literally needs to adjust within a split second from having his head and arms between his legs to a blocking position to hold off a 280 lbs linebacker who is trying to collapse the pocket and block the kick.
3) The holder sets the ball, the kicker kicks it. (there is more to it than that, but we are focusing on the under appreciated long snapper here)

To have this quickness and this accuracy and to do it every single time, is a skill. If a person messes up a snap two or three time, he is sure to lose his job since this would cost a team anywhere between 3 and 9 points. That’s why long snappers such as Mike Bartrum is such a valued resource on the Philadelphia eagles roster. He is one of the most consistent long snappers in the league and has earned his spot on the roster for years to come because of this. My friend Kevin in Denver, being a typical the rabid eagles fan, proudly sports his #88 Mike Bartrum jersey every Sunday.

Finally, to touch on Yuna’s main point, why not just take a linebacker or tight end and make them the long snapper? As I mentioned above, it’s a precision position that cant just be taught during a training camp. Plus, you must take into account how often players change on a team (See the Philadelphia Eagles, this is the first time in 5 years they had the same 3 people at the linebacker position to start the season as they did to finish the season). Inconsistency at long snapping can potentially cost your team at least one kick per game, and in a league where many games are decided by a field goal or less, this is unacceptable. It could turn a 10-6 playoff team to being a mediocre 8-8 team.

And there is some multitasking at the long snapper position, but just opposite to what Yuna has suggested. Instead of a Tight End doing long snapping duty’s, a long snapper may fill in for a Tight End from time to time. Look at Mighty Mike Bartrum. He has almost a 50% rate of receptions for touchdowns (4 for 9) and a 66% rate of receptions for first downs (6 for 9).

To relate to the buisness spin that Yuna placed on it, the Moral is, sure, its good to be flexable, however, if it can cost you the big game over and over again, its good to have a specialist on hand.

So, on every nfl Sunday, I am at home rooting for you, Mr. Long Snapper. Because somebody has to!

It’s Friday! So… no serious talking…
I have loaded a couple of albums in Photoblog :

Once in a life time pictures of the lovely animals that live on the same planet with us
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Ya’ll have a great weekend and thanks to Kimmi for the photos.

Thanks to Paco, Kimmi, Liz and Traveling Aussie for the following submissions.

If you have a story or a link you would like to share with other people, feel free to send it to me. Here is how.

• NFL regular season starts tonight with an opening game between Oakland and New England on ABC. Are you ready for SOME FOOTBALL? Check out some greatest actions caught on moving GIF from last season. A few of my favorites: Manning gets a nasty hit, OUCH! ; Cool jukes pulled by Hall; Watch DeAngelo Hall’s unbelievable move to intercept the ball. Thanks to Paco for the link.
• Tired of using your own mouse? Would you like an upgrade? Check out this new mouse. (Turn on the sound and hear the conversation) .
• Travling Aussie argues taht acocdrnig to an elgnsih unviesitry sutdy the oredr of letetrs in a wrod dosen’t mttaer, the olny thnig thta’s iopmrantt is that the frsit and lsat ltteer of eevry word is in the crcreot ptoision. The rset can be jmbueld and one is stlil able to raed the txet wiohtut dclftfuiiy. And if Wrod qiut corerctnig my spelinlg,I’d be dnon tpying tihs siht lnog tmie ago!!!
• Ever wonder how large is a large Yo-Yo? Liz (Me Strauss ) has an interesting post on the Yo-Yo topic. And sadly, Yuna can’t play Yo-Yo.
• Having trouble stacking up your documents? Try to use a rubber band. That’d help.
• This is a very inspiring story. A mom with no arms is capable of doing anything with her feet from dressing the babies to holding drinks. Watch this video. It’s a very large file (4mb), so be patient

Thanks to Kimmi for all the video files.

IMDB has a news on Michael Jackson’s plan to undergo a major makeover:

My prediction of the makeover results:

This is another compiled list of goodies submitted from the village’s readers. There are few more reader submissions will be featured in the next a few days when I return from my vacation. Thanks to all of you who took the time to send in the goodies.

To find out how you can submit a link or a story, check here.

Potential Serial Killer Material
Although I know I am never a dangerous nor a violent person, I sometimes have the internal rage that I just can’t explain. When I was hooked playing the Grand Auto Theft games, I would wander around on the streets, beat someone to death, take the money and run. I know it sounds terrible even though it happened in a 3D virtual environment. So when Paco sent me this link which tests your serial killer potential, I was pretty curious to find out if I had something hidden that I didn’t know about. I only scored a low 7 and my evaluation was read as following,

The odd quirk in your personality is nothing to worry about, it might even be getting you a few more social invites than the more dull among us. So party on, you’re not a threat to society.

Whew… that’s really nice to know that I am no threat to the society. Take the test and find out your potential. If you score 100, find the nearest boxing gym or lay your hands on the Grand Auto Theft games like I did.

Hello Mama and Papa
This is a no Ha-Ha material. I called my Mom after I watched this slide show titled as To Daughters and Sons. Watch the show, and then call your mom, dad, granny, neighbor, snowman or whoever brought you up and tell them you love them.
(It is a powerpoint slide show. So click on the link, and then click “open”. It will play on the browser). Thanks to Bib for the submission.

Looking For My Fairy
Shirazi from Pakistan wrote a beautiful story “Looking For My Fairy” that takes us to the far- far away Northern Pakistan Alpines. You can find some more of his travel journals in south Asia on his own blog site Light Within. Yes, it is all in English.

Virtual Apple
If you are an Apple addict and old enough to remember the glory days Apple had enjoyed in the late 80’s and early 90’s, you’d remember the old school Apple 2 games. I used to be so addicted to those games that I almost got fired from my lab job. Anyway, Virtual Apple has a library with an entire collection of the old Apple 2 games. Check it out. Thanks to RJ for the link.

Another reader submission from Paco:
To find out how you can submit a story or a link, check here.
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One of the many magazines I read a month is Wired. Here is an article that captured my attention and has me talking about the subject for over a month.

The Mad Genius from the Bottom of the Sea
Unlimited energy. Fast-growing fruit. Free air-conditioning. John Piña Craven says we can have it all by tapping the icy waters of the deep.

…

Running the frigid pipes through heat exchangers produces unlimited air-conditioning that costs almost nothing. Draining their sweat yields an endless supply of freshwater for drinking and irrigation. The cold water also creates a temperature difference between root and fruit that Craven believes speeds growth. And by turning the flow on and off, Craven has found he can further accelerate the plants’ growth cycle by forcing them in and out of dormancy - he can get three crops of grapes a year and pineapples in eight months instead of the usual 18. Feeding some of the water through a contraption Craven calls a hurricane tower generates clean electricity. “What the world doesn’t understand,” says Craven, still zigzagging through the parking lot, “is that what we don’t have enough of is cold, not heat.”

…

click here for more of this article

This is a reader submission from “Nosaj” (Jason K):
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Just finished reading this article. It really got me stirred up… If you’ve got any reactions or feel it Blog worthy, feel free to use any part you would like.

The basics are: If you’re a professional, you’d better watch out if you ever decide to change jobs. A new legal issue for US IT workers has come. The theory of ‘Inevitable Disclosure’ as applied to the IT worker basically states that if you work for Employer A and decide to jump ship to Employer B, whether you’ve signed a Non-Compete agreement or NOT, Employer A can file a LAWSUIT against YOU to keep you from taking the position at Employer B. - And now you’re out of a job…

What a complete piece of BS!!! Now, more than ever, we are treated by US IT companies as little more than contractors. The days of keeping a job for more than 5 years with a company are essentially over for the vast majority of us. Companies hire and fire regular associates now based solely on their projected earnings statements. IT Workers have mostly adapted to this model by accepting the ‘hire and fire’ cycle, by accepting the ‘outsourcing fad’, and by giving up one of the most precious benefits of a professional career: Stability. Now - it appears we have to deal with LAW SUITS when we attempt to take control of the situation by the only means we have available: The right to work where we please - as expressed by ‘jumping ship’ to hopefully better employment situations.

Where do we go from here? Ever heard of anyone who has been through a mandatory salary reduction? I have. Now, if we were to try to leave such an abusive and/or failing company, they would have the LEGAL option to invoke a lawsuit against us using the ‘Inevitable Disclosure’ argument. How about if we get laid off? Fired? Evil corporations can still invoke this to protect themselves - or - to act punitively against us!

At the very least, if our increasingly communist judicial system is going to allow this, then companies willing to invoke this type of lawsuit against us to protect themselves should be required to pay us our salary + benefits + bonuses + raise schedule for the term they feel necessary to protect their intellectual assets.

-J