Cow’s Life - Thinking Outside Of The Barn

Ok, one of these dumb and dumber moments again…

Dumb
A single guy lived in this townhouse for 8 years in Ogden, Utah. They thought he was the best renter because he never called for complains and was never late on a payment. These pictures don’t even come close to what it really looked like. Century 21 had already moved some of the cans out and had caved in thunnels that he had made to get to the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen.

All this, yet, you still don’t see any dust or scattered clothes or any dirty dishes anywhere.

Other than having a minor drinking problem, he was basically a very
clean, organized person. Add to this he was concerned about his
health, proved by the fact that he drank a “Light” beer.

More Photos

Thanks to Paco for the link

Dumber
BEIJING (Reuters) - Two hapless Chinese thieves gassed themselves to death with cyanide along with five intended victims while trying to rob a gambling den in the city of Ruichang, the Xinhua news agency reported Saturday.
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A court in nearby Jiujiang Thursday sentenced their three surviving accomplices to death for the robbery, carried out last June.

One of the three passed out for several hours from the effects of the gas — but still remembered to rob the dead of 15,950 yuan ($1,990), five mobile phones and a gold necklace when he came around, Xinhua said.

Original article on Yahoo News!

Sometimes, I just want to chill out, use less brain cells and laugh at something dumb. Now is that moment of the day. So here I am sharing with you some of my dumb moments with some pointless laughs…

Joke of the day
Do you think the porn sites should be .org or .multi-org?

Dumb Picture of the day
Rabbit got robbed

Dumb news of the day (or yesterday)
I thought I was the only Chinese lady who needed bigger bras. I guess the entire China is aiming at larger cups. Check out the most popular odd news of (yester)day:

Bra producers have been forced to offer bigger cup-sizes in China because improved nutrition is busting all previous chest measurement records.
It’s so different from the past when most young women would wear A- or B-cup bras,” Triumph brand saleswoman Zhang Jing told the Shanghai Daily from the Landmark Plaza of China’s commercial hub.

Complete article: Tempest In D-cup as bust sizes grow

Thanks to Paco for the links.

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another…
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm

It’s been a while since I have the mood to post something pure lyfor fun… So let’s start with Economics 101 first. I don’t know who is the original author/version, but I added a Colorado version at the bottom, check it out….

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don’t have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military
aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines,
Germany for technology, France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan
for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim
exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nati! on with cows &
naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100
years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times
the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
COWKIMON and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of
vodka.

MALAYSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You slaughter one for Hari Raya Puasa and the
other for Hari Raya Haji.
Just before that, both the cows were wandering
along the PLUS Highways.

THAI ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You insist the cows are sacred and its bad to touch the cows.
Everyone comes to worship the cows and leaves little wooden cows for good luck
The owner of the cows becomes prime minister

PHILIPPINE ECONOMICS
You have only one cow.
So the government claims there is a shortage of
cows.
The government ask grants from other countries so
the country can produce more cows.
The other countries oblige.
The government divides the grants among
themselves, and blames the opposition of
corruption.
The people stage People Power 42! .
The government is overthrown.
Then its back to the single cow.

Colorado Economy (By Yuna):
You have tons of cows
You can’t milk them when the grass is fat’n green in summer
They pour milk at ya when snow falls in winter
More snow, more milk
No snow, no milk.

Ok, I know a lot of guys have super sensors turned on for the hot snow bunny but lack of ability to recognize the dust bunny. So I figured I’d do the human society a favor in finding an effective method to turn the lazy butts into housekeeping supermen!

Finally, after seeking advices from a wise woman from a far-far-away land called Australia, I’ve found the magic spell! It’s called “Beer”!

Check this out: The best way to get the guys to clean the house! (It’s a 750K video file. So be patient please).

Thanks to Kimmi for the video file.

I am sick and tired of staying in a closed warehouse type of office for 10 hours a day and 300 days a year. I want to see sunshine, trees and birds!!

Here are a few ways to achieve my goal of seeing sunshine:

A) Buy from the vending machine as shown below

B) Join the smoking group so I can go outside every half an hour

C) Make enough troubles so I will be called into my boss’s window office a few times a day

D) Start goofing off on the job and work on the side projects. So one day, I can work from home with 15 windows around me.

Hmm… I think I will pick D)

Sometimes I just feel like being stupid and read dick jokes. Well.. today is the day…

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Can we have sex now?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
12. “Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.” Really means:
    Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
13. Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard =
    I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner
14. That’s interesting, dear = Are you still talking?
15. “Hmm? What? Yeah…” Really means:
    “You want me to stay awake after sex?!”
16. “Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.” Really means:
    “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit
    I’m hurt.”
17. “I do help around the house.” Really means:
    “I’d throw a dirty towel near the laundry basket and be done with it. “
18. Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing = And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
19. What did I do this time? = What did you catch me at?
20. You look terrific. = Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.

There are reasons why the dogs and all sorts of other animals should be naked.
Here is why:

“My owner is an idiot. I don’t even have boobs!”

“God Help Me!!!”

“I am hot and I can’t breath!!! ”

“My idiot owner makes me look like a dork too ”

Thanks to Kimmi for the pictures.

Ok, Sept 30 is the real National Ask A Stupid Question Day. So I am declaring today as National Ask A Dumb Question Day.

Some random dumb questions I dare you to answer:

1. Assume I can live forever, say 1 million years. How would I look like? Would I need Viagra?
2. Why the toilet seat protection paper is so thin and non water-proof? What is it protecting us from?
3. How do we describe numbers that are bigger than trillions?
4. What happened to JarJarBing? I don’t see him around anymore.
5. Should I call a Chairman if my chair breaks? If not, why do we call someone who doesn’t fix chairs a Chairman?
6. What is the shortest yet the hardest sentence a man will ever say?
7. Why am I handed a piece of plastic card when I am a diamond member with the hotel chain? Where are my rubies, sapphires and platinum that I deserve?
8. Why do we use word “restroom” to describe a “toilet” room?
9. What do dead eat that the living would die if they ate it?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why 11 is not pronounced as onety-one?
12. Do you think elephant indeed believes that a man uses his penis to breathe?
13. Would you like to ask me a dumb question?
14. What?
15. How do you know you just asked a dumb question but not a stupid question?
16. Do you have more dumb questions for me?
17. Why?

I am going to submit a few of these questions to Ask Yahoo or other sites. If I get answers, I will post them here. Stay tuned… Oh by the way, why did I ask 17… sorry.. 18 questions on “Ask A Dumb Questoin Day”?