Yes, I Am Still Alive… But Barely…
Jason, my good friend and my loyal reader dropped a note today asking if I were still alive. I feel that I own a short post just to explain what’s going on lately. Actually, if you read the posts I did on my professional blog, you may already figure it out.
The project I am working on recently has taken its toll on me. I can rarely find time to breathe, sleep or eat. Maybe I forgot how to say No again. Maybe I am no longer the 20 some year old who can think 15 hours non stop. Maybe I am just too tired to keep going with this job. I am absolutely feeling frightened when I’ve learned that I have to work overtime at night and on weekend again. I started to make critical mistakes on the job which resulted in serious consequences and caused my company some damages.
I have sold my soul to this company in the last 10 years by working overtime year after year. I was ill for 2 years; I lost half of my right eye’s sight; and I lost my family because of this job. I kept going because this is all I know and I like my manager who gives me big bucks.
I finally decided that it’s time for me to retire from the consulting life, retire from the travel job and start to focus on having a normal life. I am 32, yet, I am still trying to figure out where my home is. That’s just plain sad.
I do feel being defeated and I do feel that I am sort of kind of running away from my problems by quitting what I do. But I know one thing though: my current job is the source of my unhappiness and I gotta do something to get my life back.
Stay tuned…
Jee said,
January 19, 2006 @ 6:16 am
Hey Christine, sometimes in life we got to make big decisions and it need lots of courage of jumping from a comfort zone to the other.
If it’s necessary to quit your job, don’t feel defeated, you just make a brave move and who knows.. a better path might be ready for you.
Yuna said,
January 19, 2006 @ 8:07 am
Hi Jee.. Thanks so much for your kind words!
I really hope that I can find a sense of normalcy in life… At the very least, I can go home every night after work and still have energy to enjoy things outside of work…
Now I just need to figure out what my “better path” may be…I know it’s somewhere …
Nosaj said,
January 19, 2006 @ 10:54 pm
- You are not the house you own
- You are not the car you drive
- You are not the job you have
You are the way you feel, the way you treat others, and the memories you can reflect on. If you consistantly feel bad, find yourself treating others poorly, and are making bad memories, it is your right as a human being to effect change. It is your life and if it stinks - once you realize that it stinks, you are now responsible for making it better. And, those of us that care about you will help as we can.
It is a good sign that you’re back to writing on your site.
-J
chalk abuser said,
January 23, 2006 @ 11:47 am
Christene - Here here!! Extracting yourself from an unhealthy environment, work or otherwise, is absolutely a vicotry, not a defeat! You’re not running away from it because you can’t do it, but because it isn’t what you want to consume your life. We’re fortunate to live in a state where so many people put a priority on their lifestyle; they don’t live to work. I remember taking a raft trip years ago, and the guide was a Wall Street stockbroker that got burned out, and realized that he wasn’t happy in that life. He quit his job, and took up raft guiding in the summer, and driving a bus in the winter. He was happy as a clam. Those stories abound in the Rockies, and they’re inspiring. Adjusting to a pay cut might be hard at first, but (in my opinion) the rewards of having time to climb, bike, and ski outweigh a high salary any day. It’s not hard to eat out less, go out fewer times a week, not buy impulsively, etc, etc. It IS hard to go weeks without climbing, though, isn’t it? It’s the old cliche - nobody has said “i wish i would’ve spent more time at work” on their deathbed.
Cheers to you for taking a hard look at what you need to be happy, and taking steps toward acheiving that goal. That goal is the true victory…Climb on!
Yuna said,
January 23, 2006 @ 10:50 pm
Thanks to both Jasons (Chalk and Nosaj) for your encouraging words… It’s interesting that ChalkAbuser mentioned that Colorado has a lot of people who prioritize their lifes over paychecks. I personally know a skier/climber/hocky player quit his stock borker job and becomes a acupouncturist. Wait, didn’t mountaincurmudgon did the same thing? We only live this long.. gotta take care of ourselves….
Thanks again!
Nosaj said,
January 24, 2006 @ 4:19 pm
It must be something in the water over there. Those of us on the East Coast like our stress slathered on a pole and firmly inserted up …… almost forgot - family website. Calm. I’m Calm.
I SAID I WAS CALM!
:-)
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