Goal-Free Living?
Have you ever asked yourself this question:
“I am doing everything according to the plans to pursue my goals. And I’ve achieved most of them. Why am I still not happy?” I asked this question many times in my 20’s.
I did a lot in my 20’s:
- Graduated with honor from college
- Attended Ivy League and finished grad school
- Got into a top notch IT Company
- Got promoted multiple times
- Bought a lot of houses
- Invested a lot of money
…
The list goes on and on. But, I felt miserable. I was so miserable that I even thought about life not worth living because of all the stress and the endless work. I didn’t have any friends; I had no time to think about what I liked to do and I absolutely had no hobbies other than digging into the financial books to make more money. After suffering a severe depression a few years ago, I backed down, ditched my goals and started goal-free living.
I no longer try to climb the corporate ladder. I don’t really care if I can get the job done perfectly or not. I do my best and tell my boss the truth if things can’t get done and deal with it. I no longer pursue the perfection in performance, stock market included. At age 30, I finally made a turn and started to search for things that truly excite me. That’s when I picked up my old time passions such as computer graphics and games and some new interests like mountaineering, salsa dancing and blogging.
I can’t explain this. But once I stopped chasing my goals and letting go of some expectations for myself, things start to pick up. I am a much healthier person now (mentally and physically) comparing with a few years ago. And my performance on the job is not necessarily going downhill. I recently took the “stress” test and I found out that I nearly don’t have much stress. Maybe it is because I am living in a “passion-driven” life instead of a “goal-oriented” life? Or is it because that I finally let go of other people’s expectations and live the way that I want to live?
Maybe Stephen Shapiro does have a point. In his new book titled “Goal-Free Living” which comes out the next month, he suggested to take your nifty five-year plan and your lifetime to-do list and throw them out of the window. In his words,
“The key to happiness lies in checking out the detours and back roads.”
Maybe it’s time to ditch the high paying job, grab $13000 and head down to New Zealand and Australia for 8 months like one of my co-workers just did. I don’t know if I am spontaneous enough to make such a move. But I certainly don’t mind trying something new every year… whatever my heart leads me to…
Travelling Aussie said,
November 10, 2005 @ 3:23 am
Maybe I need to take a leaf out of your book on this. I stress a lot about my job, not getting paid enough and I work my butt off, for what?????
Well I guess it is expected of me to achieve to make the most of my career to satisfy my wife and other people in my life.
I’m sure if we just chilled out a bit and not stress out over everything then we would be a lot happy as people and within our relationships.
If I was single and had the money to do this I would take time off work, hire a car and travel around Europe or another country and do photography. Go to places that you normally wouldn’t go to.
But I will keep that one as a dream
You go for it Yuna and if you want tips about Australia let me know.
Ron said,
November 10, 2005 @ 9:53 am
Sounds like your goals were all financial. Did you have goals to enjoy life? To make friends?
And what is the meaning of a goal? The quality of our life is based on what things mean to us. If not making a ton of money means I’m a failure, then when I don’t make a lot of money I’m going to feel bad. If not making money means I’m more spiritual than others, then it will make me feel bad to make money.
We need to set up our mental processes to make us feel good, with or without goals.
Kris said,
November 10, 2005 @ 11:20 am
I felt the same way in the past few years Yuna. Now, I’m applying to both ivy league and state Ph.D. computer science programs, fellowships, and whatnot. Once I finish my last undergraduate course this Decemeber, I’m FedExing the applications, quitting my job, and cashing in my frequent-flyer miles for a trip to New Zealand and Austrailia. I’ll be in Australia from mid-Januaray through the beginning of April, then I’m off to eastern Europe (Russia, Croatia, Poland, whatever strikes my fancy.)
I used to think that if I don’t make this trip now, I’ll never have another chance. That’s not true. Regardless of whatever jobs and employment I take in life, my desires and dreams will forever be more important than money.
Shall I buy you a beer sometime Traveling Aussie? Any ideas for an itinerary? Ask Yuna for my email and/or phone number - let’s chat!
Mike said,
November 10, 2005 @ 12:51 pm
Clearly you should hang out with me more often. I have no plans, I’m a slacker, I reserve my passions for donuts and snowboarding, and I love every moment of it. Then again, I’m poor, never get ahead at work, and push little old ladies around when no one is looking.
Just kidding- I’m not that poor.
Travelling Aussie said,
November 10, 2005 @ 3:32 pm
Kris
Well where to go in Australia and New Zealand? I haven’t been to New Zealand but what I have been told by friends who have, that the South Island is the place to spend most of the time.
In Australia there is so much to see and do, such as -
Sydney (Great beaches and just a great place)
Climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge (if still can)
Hunter Valley (great wines)
Melbourne (Great for food and shopping)
The Great Coastal road between Melbourne and Adelaide.
Perth (More great beaches and a beautiful city)
South of Perth a place called Margaret River (Great Wines)
Alice Springs and Ayers Rock
Northern Territory
Broome (apparently a nice place to go)
Great Barrier reef (A must)
Tasmania (another beautiful place)
and the list could keep on going
If you travelling that distance you want to stay as along as possible and see as much as possible.
Make sure you have a digital camera and a big enough memory chip
I hope that helps.
Yuna said,
November 10, 2005 @ 11:10 pm
I was sitting in 3 conference rooms for 7 hours and finally got a chance to pack up and come back to Denver… Looks like there were quite a lot of discussions here.
Traveling Aussie,it doesn’t really have to be a dream. If you can’t just take off and leave for a few months, try to start with a day or two. Bring your camera and start hitting the country side of England or the nearby countries on weekends. Or even just an afternoon doing something you like could ease a lot of stress… One step a time.. but most importantly, don’t let you dream sit in the closet. Doesn’t matter how much you feel that you need to satisfy other people’s needs, I really believe that unless we make ourselves happy, we wouldn’t be able to make other people happy. And I totally agree with Ron, we need to make ourselves feel better. Then we will have the positive energy to influence the people around us…
Mike, you own a home! I don’t think any home owner is qualified as being poor..
And there you have your donuts, your board and your lovely girl… Man, I think you are in heaven… 
Kris and I had a long talk a while ago as where she should head to - corp world with big money or the academic world with passions… I guess Kris made a clear choice that she is going to pursue something she is going to enjoy… Back to what Ron just said, we gotta do things that make us happy, with or without goals. Ironically, money and material seldom have the power to give us long lasting happiness…
So what makes us happy? Umm.. I think I probably should write a post about how I perceive what happiness is..
Travelling Aussie said,
November 11, 2005 @ 4:53 am
Yuna,
You right about getting out there and making things happen even if it is small steps at the beginning, in which I have done and need to do more off. Actions are louder than words.
I was talking to a colleague the other day and he mentioned that our parents generation worked 5-6 or even 7 days, our generation is about 5 days heading towards possible 4 days. So our kids generation could be working 4 day weeks in the future. Is there a swing towards a more balanced life style or are we still going to try to crame 5-6 day weeks into 4 day weeks ?????
There has to be a balance between work and life outside of work, but companies are demanding more for less and the only winners are the shareholders not the employees.
I am about to finish off a 70 hour week so I can meet a deadline next week and what do I really get out of it beside satisfaction that I have made a client happy, the company gets paid, but I get a possible thank you from my PM.
I think we need to start thinking about satisfying ourselves not our employers and shareholders.
Life is to short……
So you can find the right balance then I think you should just go for it……
Yuna said,
November 11, 2005 @ 10:03 am
Hi Traveling Aussie…As far as what I know about you, you are too responsible and you deliver exactly what the client or PM ask you to do, even if it means sacraficing your own interests. But you just answered your own question. What do we get after busting our asses for the empolyer? A possible thank you. And it is only a POSSIBLE thank you. Is it worth it? No.
When my PM asked me to deliver a new XSD structure in 1 day this week. I simply said No. I told him I had to leave today at 5:30pm and I need to take care my personal business after that. I can’t get to it until tomorrow. I will do as much as I can during the daytime, but I can’t promoise to get it done. What’s the consequence of me saying No? PM had to justify client expecation and tell them no, ” we won’t meet our deadline.. because.. ” I dont care what PM says… The result is that I get a night off to rock climb.. and they learn my working style and won’t push me around anymore… So my dear Aussie, yes, life is short so give these brits a litte bit more attitude and let them know you have a life to live and work has to compromise your personal schedule. See how that goes…
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