The Force Of The Fear - Yuna Cried On The Rock
Ok, for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while probably would have a hard time believing it was me, shaking and crying on the rock in the picture. After all, I am not a bad climber who’s supposed to look like this.
I was scared and frustrated after a rope was wrapped around my neck and almost strangled myself. Then, everything just fell apart. Fearing other scary stuff would happen to me, I panicked the whole way up and had a hard time coming down. I kept screaming, “I can’t! I am higher than the anchor! I don’t feel the tension of the rope! I can’t come down!!!” Up there as shown in the picture, I dropped a few tears.
It’s amazing how we suddenly change our acts when the fear takes over. Doug, our team leader said to me while we were taking a break, “You know, fear is all in your mind and it is a conscious decision you make. You know the rope system very well and you know nothing will happen…” I guess he is right. At that moment, when the rope was wrapped around my neck and when my belayer pulled it, the choking feel sent a sharp panic attack signal to my brain. I wasn’t mentally strong enough to fight it. Or, I should say, I DECIDED that I wasn’t mentally strong enough to fight the fear.
It’s also amazing what we can do when we set the fear aside. I went back on it again an hour late and it was a much smoother climb. Although I jammed my left hand in the rock and injured my index finger, I still managed to reach to the top with only three fingers. And I was smiling down. I even danced on a cave route later that day.
The difference? I took a hard look at the logic of the rope system and my trusted belayers. I knew very well that I wouldn’t fall nor being scratched up unless I climb carelessly myself. So I tried to stick with that thought.
It’s never easy to set the fear aside when we are facing any scary situations. As hard as it sounds, one way to wear the fear down is to analyze your surroundings and focus on the logical facts. When we toss those “what ifs” and “buts” aside, things can get a little clearer for us.
Ok, enough of the mumbo jumbo philosophy stuff… Check out the complete album of my Castlewood Canyon Climb.
ME Strauss said,
August 23, 2005 @ 8:38 am
What a great story about facing your fears. It seems easier to face the ones we know about . . . we walk in prepared for those. But sometimes things we’ve done all of our lives suddenly scare us–those fears are even more paralizing . Probably because some little voice starts telling us that we’re losing it. Congratulations on a great climb! AND on your 100 Blogs listing!!
Thanks for sharing it.
Me-Liz
Yuna said,
August 23, 2005 @ 9:24 am
Hey Strauss.. cool poem you got there on your title page…
“Set down daily life. Feel at home by an old oak tree. Defrag your brain. Reorder your memories. Forget the bugs. Remember what you already know. Really see what you see. Indulge your curiosity. Ignore the noise, and let yourself be.”
Yeah.. don’t you hate those little voices that tell you to quit? So…”… ignore the noise, and let yourself be…”
Kris Merrill said,
August 23, 2005 @ 1:04 pm
I would be a dork by mentioning: “hang in there,” but kudos to you for conquering your fears and coming home with pictures with more smiles than tears. Your climbing adventures have been quite influential in my decision to consider graduate school (computer science) at Colorado-Boulder.
Climb safely.
Yuna said,
August 23, 2005 @ 2:00 pm
Hey Kris.. if you are ever here… I’d be glad to put you on a rock in Boulder Canyon…
Shirazi said,
August 30, 2005 @ 1:28 am
A climber myself, I loved this story. Have you heard about Northern Areas in Pakistan — home to K 2 and Nanga Parbat?
Yuna said,
August 30, 2005 @ 9:09 am
HI Shirazi.. I heard about how beautiful the nortern areas are.. Are you there climbing those monster peeks? That’d be cool!!!
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