Yuna’s Village - A Slice Of The Daily life

It’s been a while since I have the mood to post something pure lyfor fun… So let’s start with Economics 101 first. I don’t know who is the original author/version, but I added a Colorado version at the bottom, check it out….

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don’t have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military
aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines,
Germany for technology, France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan
for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim
exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nati! on with cows &
naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100
years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times
the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
COWKIMON and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of
vodka.

MALAYSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You slaughter one for Hari Raya Puasa and the
other for Hari Raya Haji.
Just before that, both the cows were wandering
along the PLUS Highways.

THAI ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You insist the cows are sacred and its bad to touch the cows.
Everyone comes to worship the cows and leaves little wooden cows for good luck
The owner of the cows becomes prime minister

PHILIPPINE ECONOMICS
You have only one cow.
So the government claims there is a shortage of
cows.
The government ask grants from other countries so
the country can produce more cows.
The other countries oblige.
The government divides the grants among
themselves, and blames the opposition of
corruption.
The people stage People Power 42! .
The government is overthrown.
Then its back to the single cow.

Colorado Economy (By Yuna):
You have tons of cows
You can’t milk them when the grass is fat’n green in summer
They pour milk at ya when snow falls in winter
More snow, more milk
No snow, no milk.

Ok, I know a lot of guys have super sensors turned on for the hot snow bunny but lack of ability to recognize the dust bunny. So I figured I’d do the human society a favor in finding an effective method to turn the lazy butts into housekeeping supermen!

Finally, after seeking advices from a wise woman from a far-far-away land called Australia, I’ve found the magic spell! It’s called “Beer”!

Check this out: The best way to get the guys to clean the house! (It’s a 750K video file. So be patient please).

Thanks to Kimmi for the video file.

I am sick and tired of staying in a closed warehouse type of office for 10 hours a day and 300 days a year. I want to see sunshine, trees and birds!!

Here are a few ways to achieve my goal of seeing sunshine:

A) Buy from the vending machine as shown below

B) Join the smoking group so I can go outside every half an hour

C) Make enough troubles so I will be called into my boss’s window office a few times a day

D) Start goofing off on the job and work on the side projects. So one day, I can work from home with 15 windows around me.

Hmm… I think I will pick D)

Sometimes I just feel like being stupid and read dick jokes. Well.. today is the day…

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Can we have sex now?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay
12. “Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.” Really means:
    Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
13. Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard =
    I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner
14. That’s interesting, dear = Are you still talking?
15. “Hmm? What? Yeah…” Really means:
    “You want me to stay awake after sex?!”
16. “Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.” Really means:
    “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit
    I’m hurt.”
17. “I do help around the house.” Really means:
    “I’d throw a dirty towel near the laundry basket and be done with it. “
18. Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing = And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
19. What did I do this time? = What did you catch me at?
20. You look terrific. = Please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.

There are reasons why the dogs and all sorts of other animals should be naked.
Here is why:

“My owner is an idiot. I don’t even have boobs!”

“God Help Me!!!”

“I am hot and I can’t breath!!! ”

“My idiot owner makes me look like a dork too ”

Thanks to Kimmi for the pictures.

Ok, Sept 30 is the real National Ask A Stupid Question Day. So I am declaring today as National Ask A Dumb Question Day.

Some random dumb questions I dare you to answer:

1. Assume I can live forever, say 1 million years. How would I look like? Would I need Viagra?
2. Why the toilet seat protection paper is so thin and non water-proof? What is it protecting us from?
3. How do we describe numbers that are bigger than trillions?
4. What happened to JarJarBing? I don’t see him around anymore.
5. Should I call a Chairman if my chair breaks? If not, why do we call someone who doesn’t fix chairs a Chairman?
6. What is the shortest yet the hardest sentence a man will ever say?
7. Why am I handed a piece of plastic card when I am a diamond member with the hotel chain? Where are my rubies, sapphires and platinum that I deserve?
8. Why do we use word “restroom” to describe a “toilet” room?
9. What do dead eat that the living would die if they ate it?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why 11 is not pronounced as onety-one?
12. Do you think elephant indeed believes that a man uses his penis to breathe?
13. Would you like to ask me a dumb question?
14. What?
15. How do you know you just asked a dumb question but not a stupid question?
16. Do you have more dumb questions for me?
17. Why?

I am going to submit a few of these questions to Ask Yahoo or other sites. If I get answers, I will post them here. Stay tuned… Oh by the way, why did I ask 17… sorry.. 18 questions on “Ask A Dumb Questoin Day”?

If you are lucky enough to have a laptop and Internet connection in the conference room, here is a list of things you could do to kill some time while looking like heads down taking heavy notes:

• Play the Google game. Come up with a word or a phrase that generates most Google hits. Ok, this game is old, but I still like to play it. For example, “me” generates 1.18 billion matches, but “love” only generates 478 million. Are people selfish? “Christine Zheng” generates 265K and “Yuna” has 2.9 million!
• If you own a blog site, search happy words such as “laugh”, “happy”, “cheer” and write down the number of posts containing these words. Then search “sucks”, “crap”, and “damn”. Compare the results. I have 24 laughs/happy/cheer and 17 sucks/crap/damn. I guess I am generally a happy person who doesn’t whine too much? (idea inspired by Liz’s “The Searching For Joy”)
• Take the quiz and find out which fantasy/Sci-Fi character you are. I am Aragorn! Wow, no wonder he is my most favorite character in LOTR!
• Check out high resolution hurricane Wilma satellite image.

If you are unfortunately sitting in a conference room with neither computer nor internet connection, there are still amusing things to do with absolutely no resource. I shamelessly admit that I have done these things before:

Pretend to be Nemo who wants to date the Shark
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
A while ago when I was heavily playing Finding Nemo and constantly trying to run away from the chasing shark, I did try to pretend to be Nemo and imagine how it would be if I could date my shark friend and how this whole size thing works.

Holding your breath
(Amusement Potential: 5 seconds-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is less than a minute. No wonder I can’t swim that well. But be prepare to answer the project manager’s question, “Christine, why is your face turning blue?”

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick the most annoying person in the room and try to use your mind power to command him/her tp do something, like drop the computer or slap the person right next to him/her. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out. I tried to use my secret mind power to instruct the PM to say, “Ok, this is it for the day. Thanks for coming.”

It’s been a while since I ran a collaborative brew ha ha list after I launched the left link section. But after a few weeks of experiment, the left section doesn’t seem to catch much attention. So I am bringing back the brew list to highlight a few hahas.

If you have a story or a link you would like to share with other people, feel free to send it to me. Here is how.

• English 101 – the purpose of this course is to give every student a comprehensive look at the most used English word – the F word. Now, watch the video carefully.
  Exercise: Describe what you are doing at this moment by applying what you have just learned:
  Yuna turned in the following answer:

  It’s f@#king 8am on Sat and I am in an abso-f@#king-lutely boring architectural class that I don’t give a f@#k! F@#k the instructors who came up with this f@#ked up Wed – Sat schedule! Now, I sound in-f@#king-credibly rude.

  That’d be f@#king hilarious to Podcast this entry Thanks to RJ for submitting such a valuable education material.

• Paco is hungry and he wants to eat this. If you want to give it a try, make sure you have an ambulance ready if you have high cholesterol. And don’t touch any food afterwards since you would have consumed 104% fat for the day by the time you finish your breakfast.
• Kimmi is finally back on broadband after her broadband company decided to cut her speed down to dial up. Is that even legal in Australia? So, check out today’s photoblog - Mastercard Priceless moments

• To all the bloggers out there! If you are still a stats whore, check out this one click tool to find out your link popularity score. Thanks to Heavywinter for the link.

• This is one of my favorite diggs of the week. An algorithm is used to animate how people walk based on gender, mood and other factors. Check it out.

Ever since I wrote the post about losing bet to the MillionDollarHomePage, I got spammed by the copycats every now and then. Some of them shamelessly claimed that it’s their idea. There are also some honest ones admitting the borrowed idea but proudly put out their own designs.

A lot of people are speculating whether these copycats are actually making any money. Or, are they getting any traffic at all to their sites? So to answer these questions, I put a list together with some stats information of each site.

You will be surprised that this list is actually pretty long.

Continue…

Update on Oct 2: I am surprised to see so many creators of the “copy-cats” here and I learned that many of them are honest people who are just trying to make a few bucks, buy some homes, pay off the debt and plant a few trees with a borrowed idea. I have then expanded the list to include the honest ones and listed the possible scammers so people don’t fall into their traps. Wish everyone (the honest ones) luck with the pixel business!

It took me a few years to finally accept the thong concept and worked up the nerves to toss away a large portion of VS cotton panties in exchange of little pieces like this, this and this. But I have never stopped bitching about it. Seriously, this is the most uncomfortable thing that ever got invented! But I know if I am going down this path to talk about the crack-flossing pain, you’d think I whine too much.

So, to set the record straight once for all, I am going to give you 10 reasons why the THONG is one of the most dangerous fabrics exist in man kind history! And why it has the potentials to cause fashion disasters, emotional distresses, environmental hazards and social chaos:

1. Like I said earlier, it may cause environmental hazard when not worn properly
2. It may cause people to suffer from sudden heart failure
3. If not properly trained, people will be wearing thongs in all kinds of wrong ways like this, this, and this, thus causing UDS (underwear-disorder-syndrome)
4. Teens may be so emotionally involved that they decide to declare national holidays on there own.
5. People will easily use wrong sorts of materials such as this
6. Modern fashion would suffer a great deal if a thong is worn like this and this.
7. Certain thongswill severely challenge the average people’s intellectual capabilities to comprehend phrases like “wearing clothe” vs “not wearing clothe”
8. Soccer fans, one of the most devoted sports fans will lose their focuses.
9. People may start to use lab subjects such as this and this for their next creations and eventually piss off the animal rights organization.
10. And it is going to hurt when accident happens.

Ok, if you are still not convinced. Get this:
The thong was originally invented for men to cover their private parts while posing for the art classes during World War II. So for the sake of respecting the history, every guy should put it on and experience the new kind of floss for at least one day. Then, we can all decide if we want a root canal or a butt-floss.

Here is the complete photoblog entry.

Bad Boy Question

Potential bad boy: “Whenever people mention bay boys, the girls all go “wooooo” and “woooow”. I want to be a bad boy but how?”
Yuna: “Ok… first of all, you should know that…”
Potential bad boy: “I should throw socks around in the house?”
Yuna: “No, that’s called annoying.”
Potential bad boy: “Never return phone calls?”
Yuna: “No, that’s called being rude.”
Potential bad boy: “Oh…oh… I know… I am going to date two women at the same time, no… three…no …four.. the more the better..?”
Yuna: “Sweetie, that’s called cheating…”
Potential bad boy: “Wait! It just strikes me that if I do ALL of these stuff, I’d be the hottest bad boy on the block…!”

Ok. This is sort of kind of a joke I wrote based on a McDonald commercial I heard on radio this morning.

Now the burning question is why a lot of women are into bad boys? Young or old, we love those yummy handsome tall bad boys and ignore the chubby short Mr. Nice guys. Although the girls start to shift their focuses after aging a few years and hearing enough horror stories, there are still a lot of good boys not getting the dates they deserve.

Askmen.com has an article just to answer this question.

Smart Questions Asked

• Q: How to get the Police reports into the newspaper?
  A: Think the reporters have some special accesses that we don’t? If you go to a police station every morning, you can be a crime reporter as well. All it takes are a few good cups of coffee and some friendly conversations. Oh, and a scanner. Read on!
• Q: I dream about drier laundry. How do I get drier clothe?
  A: Ever got frustrated by the lousy dryer that never dries your clothe? Scientists found the cure for that problem. A “chemical wringer” developed by researchers in Florida leaves clothes 20 percent drier than a normal wash, and could save consumers millions in electricity bills.

Blow Job Question

Potential blow job diva: Yuna, How to give a proper blow job?
Yuna: What???!!!
Potential blow job diva: Yuna, it’s a slice of my daily life.
Yuna: : That’s a valid argument… but my name is not Monica.
Potential blow job diva: Seriously , how to give a proper blow job?
Yuna: : Alright…Alright… I guess I will have to write a guide for you, beats getting advices from Cosmo girls. (Guys, girls talk here so click that link at your own risk!)