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March 19, 2006 at 9:46 pm
· Filed under Light Fare, Yuna
My daily read site CNN Money ran an article to discuss the pros and cons of signing a prenup. Yep, a lot of people think it is insulting to even make such a request, let along sitting down and negotiating a “financial contract” with each other.
But according to the expects, signing a prenup may not be a bad idea:
For starters, talking about a prenup (whether you opt for one or not) is an opportunity for you and your partner to get your financial lives out on the table, which is never a bad idea, since marriage is as much an economic contract as a social and spiritual one.
And, it hardly needs to be said, money can be a huge source of contention between couples, especially when it’s not dealt with openly.
“(The prenup) is about having to communicate and negotiate, which will lay a foundation for your partnership,” said Shae Irving, senior legal editor at legal information provider NOLO and coauthor of the upcoming book, “Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair and Lasting Contract.”
A successful prenup is one in which both partners feel they’ve gotten what they need. So even though you have less money doesn’t mean you have less say in deciding what the provisions of a prenup will be.
The key, Irving said, is to “focus on fairness (and on) what each person needs to feel well cared for.”
Here is the link to the article
I was totally against prenup until I realize that even solid relationship could turn sour since people change. Once that person changes, everything could change. Love could turn to hate. Reasonable person could turn into monster, etc… Yes, it sounds really harsh to talk about how to split money even before getting married. But I have to agree that having such an agreement while both partners are more likely to be fair and generous to each other during the initial stage of marriage might not be a bad idea.
This is definitely a tough cookie since nobody wants to hurt his/her lover’s feeling. But I think if we treat prenup like will – a method to prepare for the unpredictable feature and understand that there is nothing to do with the love you have for each other, it might be easier for both parties to discuss the matter openly and get the finances organized.
Permalink
Jee said,
March 20, 2006 @ 8:41 am
I would go for a NO.
I believe marriage is forever, and if people can just put more faith and believe in the eternity of marriage the divorce rate could have been much lower.
Marriage with a prenup provide an easier route for divorce, people might put less effort to secure the marriage.. and even worse, they don’t have the faith to keep their marriage at the very beginning.
Nosaj said,
March 20, 2006 @ 9:25 am
I would say YES.
You can never truely know the heart and mind of another. We *all* set out with the best of intentions when getting married, however, we can never control the actions of others - and especially our legal system. Always remember the one who loves you is also the one most capable of hurting you.
I fully believe the legal system and divorce lawyers are a large part of the reasons we have a 50% + divorce rate in the US. Of course, there are times when judgements make sense - especially when one partner gives up so much so the other could advance - or in the case of abuse - but for the most part - *LAWYERS ARE THE ONLY ONES WINNING THE DIVORCE GAME*.
These days with Male / Female equality being much better (not perfect) than in the last century, we are starting to see some very interesting trends - Women paying Men Allimony (sp?), equal odds at custody of children for Men / Women. These trends indicate to me that the Judical System is attempting to adjust to Social movements, but will forever be woefully behind.
Until such time that law suits are no longer like Playing the Lottery, we will be stuck in a world where Lawyers whisper in the ears of ‘hurt’ lovers spreading a vengeful message that servers to line their own pockets, and undermines our society.
By negotiating a Prenup, both partners will discover a new-found level of trust with each other and will know truely how the other will treat them in the worst of times. Also, many of the legal fees associated with a bitter divorce could be avoided so that each person would actually walk away without being bankrupt.
I do agree that in general - people should ’suck it up’ and work hard to stay together, but this has become an unrealistic expectation based on the current values and moral system in place in Western Society. Most people need to be followers, unfortuantely - they follow those who would serve to line their own pockets over the well-being of those they lead astray.
kimmi said,
March 20, 2006 @ 9:44 pm
i vote for YES.
or at least as our accountant suggested to put down a list of assets each, and sign and cross sign then sign by witnesses.
i think when we get married, we all dream of being happily ever after, however people do grow apart. especially these days husband and wife are generally have seperate professional lives, circle of friends, etc. after all the time a couple stays together is roughly what? from 6pm to 7am that incl cooking, dinner, putting away the kids, washing and cleaning up and sleeping, so how many hours do we really actively spend together? comparing to how many hours we have with our colleagues and friends? these all contribute to the fact that couple do slowly drift apart.
Yuna said,
March 21, 2006 @ 9:07 am
Very welll written Nosaj!
Like I said, I was a firm believer of ‘No Prenup” until just recently. Our justice system is full of crap!! I just recently had a chat with my co-worker who is fighting one of the worst divorce cases I’ve heard. This guy works and feeds the family. His wife cheated on him and he caught her. After months of trying, things were not working out since he found her continue cheating on him. He filed the divorce. She went out and got the best lawyer in the area and accusing him for being a bad father. The poor guy had to go through all the tests to prove that he is the capable father. But, because his wife doesn’t work, she will be entitled to alimony and split 50% of the assets…
So basically the theory of our ‘No-Fault” divroce law is to encourge people not to work (so you can for sure get living expenses covered), and cheat since the cheating behavior gets thrown out of the court anyway. It is too easy to screw the hard working partner. The harder you work, the more you have to give up. The less you work, the more you can get. What a fucked up bull shit system!!!
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December 13, 2006 @ 11:18 am
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